Sparks

I know there’re here, I feel the frozen spine tingles on occasion And I just bumped Jose’s elbow on the way to the bathroom We shared a drink bump last Friday, so I recognized the feeling Sophia’s passed out making mouth noises as she snores or whatever she’s doing The whole scene makes me think of Cheers from TV (where everybody knows you’re name and they’re always glad you came…) They mean no harm, there not here to scare Just some lost souls looking for company I wouldn’t dare call them my friends, for I’d get some stares But I would love to be that comfortingly “friend” that helps them move on In the dark, there are passing by glimmers of light Like crooks of elbows I know I am not alone here Is it me or here that attracts or accepts My mind will converse with them or talk stories In a different life I feel we’d have been friends The blinder I get the more I see For now I put them in a special “box” the corner of my mind Safe from harms way And safe they’ll stay Heidi Talbott 2023

There’s a river that runs through my brain It flooded one day taking all in it’s wake with it down But my thoughts still bobbled along Landing to dry and recollecting Brushed of and no longer soggy The words rejoiced Free again Joining and creating happens again Words can be so powerful, Yet disarming What you hold can be so many things Time tells so many different stories Heidi Talbott

I never wanted my name in lights or anything close I am smart, but never realized how I was just a girl, less than, or that was what I was born into and brainwashed to believe Fighting uphill in the wind I don’t take kindly to No Even today as my body kills me from the inside out I have every reason to accept and take no for the answer yet I cannot or will not My favorite quote, “You are never too old to be what you were meant to be.” George Eliot If I was meant to be a writer I’ll keep going and someday maybe I will be I need to get over fear of trying and do it How is simple Try & let the words help me Heidi Talbott 2023

All dolled up with not a clue Pretty faces and nice asses stroll Not thinking evils awaits A wiggle, a smirk, She aimed to please Tear staines disagree Outcome less than pleasant Tears and tarnished apparel Brushed off made presentable What started as Innocent fun turned into grownup madness Nevertheless her walk of shame Was cast on her Not by her own valishion Heidi Talbott Authors note: These are just words not personal experiences. 2023

Pardon me, if you will I have a bone to pick with you, if you’ll spare a moment It’s me, that thing most call a leg, I don’t know which one of us it is, But if I’ve got your attention, we will just call it the leg for all intents & purposes I’m the thing you blame, take for granted Beat the crap out of if I don’t act as you feel I should I have felt the talons of that fork you took to me Just because you cannot feel me, doesn’t mean I can’t feel what you do to me Yet , I hold no ill will against you I have the bruises to prove it I carried you wherever you wanted for many moons I never complained, as you pushed me to take you wherever you wanted to roam I have never heard a thank you nor a good job You have a horrible disease, and I’m sorry for that, but it’s not my fault It is literally is all in your head If you’re brain malfunctions, blame it, I’m tired of being the scapegoat Instead of belittling me, maybe say I’m sorry and good job , or thank you Just a thought You have alw...

Who will write for the tears you spill Where do un answered prayers end up Do clouds have nightmares What makes a good ending end bad Where do the only the good die young Why does 1 bad apple spoil the bunch Why isn’t what’s good for Peter not good for Paul Or good for the goose not good for the gander Is there an really no end to the never ending story Who really won Apple or Microsoft Do walruses ever try crossing quick sand, and if they do do they ever get stuck? Can I sleep until next week for real or must I be knocked out to do it Heidi Talbott 2023

Head rumbling Tongue on fire Self induced pain I feel Was fun, but now not so worthwhile Spits and pizza to blame for it all Tylenol cocktail or rather breakfast here I come I feel such bum Doesn’t get easier over time Nor lessons learned Hurts the same at twenty, thirty, forty, and more Those z, or sheep you want to count are playing leap frog while laughing at you No matter the number, objects or Birthdays There is no win at the end Until next weekend I bid you adieu And I try again! Heidi Talbott 2023

When I close my eyes and think of you I see red, no I mean black Where love and care should be Anger and seething disgust You’ve done it to yourself I’d own my part if I had one Shoved down and silenced Disregarded and swept under the rug A voice I will find, a scream and the truth I close the chapter and won’t look back You may have made me that’s all science or genealogy You are like a black widow Instead of dude you kill Closer to home you strike I fell for your control you called love Until I saw you, the real you Stood up for me Dropped like bad habit, into abyss I floated A sad distant memory you will fade A tear I will never shed Even when you no longer occupy our skin Other than a name you gave me No sign of you will take residence in my life Facts are facts no matter how twisted you’ve screwed yours And then believed He knows and sees all I don’t hide or justify Can you say the same We all have one The name I should call you, but I leave a wilted bouquet for you Symbol of some...

His eyes like a smoldering ember Burn right through me Wanting a Response unbecoming Step away, breathe Maybe not as intense As first thought Gripping at could’ve been Suffocating Can’t live in the past If I wanted to be here I would have been Forward is only way to be free Leaving your wanting behind me Not all embers became flames Heidi Talbott *have no idea who this is about, I just wrote. 2022

My dreams and wants Are just that, mine Why should I make you do my bidding It really is a two way street Collisions occur unless I let you pass I lay to rest parts of me that wanna go and do, it’s not you it’s me Mine to own, make behave This disease controls me and all I can do is keep it to myself Healthier that way then there are no wasted tomorrow’s I’ve gone from I’ll just do it myself to ensure it gets done right, Then to I f I want it done figure it out, Finely to not even wanting it done at all If there are no dreams and wants, there are no wasted tomorrow’s There are no blues or feeling down I will go to a make believe place in my head it’s much nicer than real Here I lay the foundation of greater good Mind over matter Here I create all the minor imperfections requiring Me to smooth and master Really a distraction Upon completion, behold a masterpiece of sorts Resentment will become the normal Fee required for harmless suppression Or that is what I tell myself k Boils down...

When real is too much I run away here You’ll never know I left, looks can be deceiving Here I am the ruler so to say, loved by all, cherished But, What’s not to love, every thing and one are my equals In this made up universe I’ve crafted Mine is no more valuable than yours Here, peace I find What then takes me back? Why don’t I choose to stay? It’s not FOMO as I never have, nor ever will have that feeling as I don’t care Among only what I can imagine My story, The stories I create calm my nerves and build my confidence My armor against the unknown Again, why don’t I stay?mm What is so important the unreal looses to the real Must mean I’m not totally insane yet as I can dip my toes in yet stay out It’s not like “there” I’m with hobbits or off to see the wizard I am amongst what I know, what’s familiar Do I know when, like time frame familiar happened No, but that I suppose is what keeps me coming back or bouncing Betwixt them No magic No smoke and mirrors I run away here to avoid the y...

Where dead ends say no I come to wipe your tears and shine a different light Here goosebumps and spine tingles hide in fear The unknown and happiness l lurk Tonight we shall kick up our heels And not worry about what could go amiss What I offer they cannot take Dare to ride the midnight train with me? Here I hold the hand of evil Crushing it with my softness within Stronger then I you are not Killing all the bad with unforeseen good Here lies the unwillingness known as an angels in disguise Painting beautiful flowers and such to cover the ugliness Heidi Talbott 22/4/2024

A life I once lived haunts the life I am now Around every corner you lurk to tease and unravel Finding peace not me Not today Who needs it anyway Where you leave me be I know not Still I seek Another day has come to pass In the shadows I find you but, Answers you won’t give Maybe you don’t know Only time will tell Heidi Talbott 2022

I was raised to be a horseless cowgirl I suppose I know so much about that way of life, yet never really lived it Grew up watching little house on the prairie I held my own against two ruthless brothers I watch shows on TV which portray what I imagine I always asked for a horse for many years Answer was always “no” they cost too much Rode one once, not a life for me Seeing all the hard work done around me Not a life for me I dated a few cowboys Not a life for me While it is an honest and heartfelt life Not a life for me Heidi Talbott

Standing on the corner of broken dreams and hard knocks I throw my hands up in despair How’d I get here? Working my hardest day in and day out The powers that be said not today, tomorrow or any in between That crumbling feeling you get when every thing you touch turns to shit Guess that is why they gave out second chances Well I’m a pro at fifths and I’m not speaking spirits this time I can hear words of the past, if I listen Yet I’m afraid of myself or it seems Confidence I lack Faith in myself and the words I write If I want more, I just need to write and stop fearing the outcome Heidi Talbott

Childhood Memories I wasn’t outgoing I had cousins my age in school Familiar friends I found them on the playground I remember my teacher saying “girls don’t play with boys” I couldn’t play with my cousins This was in the 80s Mrs Irish was this quant little thing But that day I remember the look of disgust on her face as she spoke those words I had two cousins my age one , we always hung around each other I lived nearby To be told I could not do this this was a shock We didn’t care and did it anyway Memories of these cousins will stay with me forever I went to my 8th grade dance with one of them, Then in high school went with the other to MORP (prom backwards the girl asks the guy) We didn’t keep in touch as we got older But pictures and memories are there forever I still remembers my favorite teacher, well tied for first with Mr. Smith, my 5 th grade teacher

Drip, drip, drip The end is near I fear Drip, drip, drip One, two, three Drip drip Sick and twisted I count to my end It is warm enough today I will cease to exist at its end No more beautiful sculptures will I create even if a spike is all you see There is more to me Than that the ice you swirl in your mouth When a bite of me you take If I’m untarnished Pure & fresh you suck on a chunk Thinking this is perfect Then I’m gone You break me off whatever I’ve attached to and grown upon Did you think of me at all as you crunched me into pieces It’s okay if you didn’t, I never felt a thing Here today, gone tomorrow For at heart I’m just water Shapes or forms I take according to the weather Drip, drip, good bye drip drip March 2023 Heidi Talbott *authors note* I wrote this from the ice sickle’s perspective.

I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; But not in a way most people understand. I was busy Asking M.S. to please let me try I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy giving M.S. a pep talk,” we got this, let’s shine” I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes this is my busy, and I won’t apologize for it. *I copped part of this from something I saw dealing with anxiety, I made a few changes, making it fit M.S. or at least my M.S. Due to M.S. this is a daily battle I must endure to have any kind of life. Sickening and heart breaking rolled up some kind of bullshit cigarette. I choke on Without even putting my mouth on it. I might feel good when I get up, But a shower and getting dressed I’m spent. Depends on the weather wether I can be whole and pretend (fake it) Living MY life is not for the faint of heart. I could quit, and not try but that’s not me. I will not give up, no matter how hard trying is That’s not my style I will look back tomorrow and analyze today Where I...

Where acorns fall dreams burst into magical moments Seeing is not only way to believe Feeling and imagination roam Playing and twisting Words are always there Being able to read and understand them Takes interpretation of the soul Comprehension and acceptance belong to you Rather than me For I can see and feel what I write How well my feelings engrain you is on me The story teller If I do my job well enough You should see and feel as I do when writing That magical moment happens when worlds collide Mine and yours Who’s open to see the other side? Heidi Talbott

Oh how I miss you, the you from long ago Who would stay up late at night just talking How I was eager to share, in hopes I would impress The day you returned those three words I was 20 ish or something in Idaho Falls at my first house I just remember standing awestruck as I hung up the phone My husband was like what’s up? I remember saying, “my dad just said he loved me.” He was like so? I said this was the first time he actually said those words He usually said nothing or just shrugs his shoulders My husband couldn’t understand the importance of this to me Things have gone so astray in days as of current I feel the messenger in between has halted all The day I trusted words from afar Was the end for me I will own my own and eat crow if needed Where can a blind girl turn To convey those words to be heard for real The same you couldn’t easily share way back Assumptions are what I was always told To assume makes an ass out of us both I wonder does this apply to love? I remember wanting t...

An eye that doesn’t want to participate AKA LAZY EYE I feel completely blind Today she stands in the shadows hoping no one calls on her It’s not that she has nothing to say Rather the attention causes undue nerves to be rated What it sees I know not another spectrum perhaps In the shadows it, I blink randomly Clear is here no more No more within reach Similar to riches never had nor within reach Why is all just outside what can be achieved Questions for a better day, just not today Where did you expect to go That eye had it right from the start Heidi Talbot April 2024

Swallow the pain see the words “We are here to comfort and amuse” But my feet burn and now my finger hurts Yea but on the horizon is a bunch of dancing Y’s And thoseZ’s are sticking their tongues out blowing raspberries Makes it a bit easier to deal with the pain looking at some wild letters I am not crazy but those letters are With every owchy a new one appears The Q’s are at it now mocking the Z’s Best alphabet soup there is right there The baby a’s wanna join now Okay maybe losing it a bit, But we got this and a story like no other Plus we got each other’s back No turning back now ask the Q’s or the Z’s we’ve all been sleeping What’s the problem? Told ya we got this! Heidi Talbott July 2023